We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
