I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's like God shit irony all over that family
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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