We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
