I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
