Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
