Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
