Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
