I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
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There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.