Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked