Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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