I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
