Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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