that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
