Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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