My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
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Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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