i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
