If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
