my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
