Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
