You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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