well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
