'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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