So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
