Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Drunk is not a location!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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