We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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