Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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