the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
