Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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