He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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