God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
