I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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