He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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