3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I want to have your abortion
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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