Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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