Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
