Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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