I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
