We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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