The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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