I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
