I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
