If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
