just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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