I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
