then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
