JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
this hospital has no fireball
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
