Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
