ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
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Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
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Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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