he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you had me at cake vodka
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
