i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
