You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
