i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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