Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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