I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize