i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize