Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
