guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
