if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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