MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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