Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
